A sure sign of intellectual growth is when a person is able to translate frustration and/ or anger into constructive dialogue. I felt this to be me (at least temporarily). Albeit an internal debate, but one nevertheless. Here goes an attempt to air out my inner workings.
Yesterday evening I went grocery shopping. I wasn’t planning on getting that many items, so I opted for the shopping basket over the cart. Lo and behold, I began picking up more items than my basket could carry. So I did what I would’ve normally done. I did what I’ve normally done for the past two years here in Maryland. I started filling up my reusable bag and backpack with the remaining items, which didn’t fit into the basket. (D.C. initiated a 5 cent tax on plastic bags, which has promoted folks to use reusable bags much more ubiquitously. Maryland offers a 5 cent discount if you use your own bag.) So you’ll commonly find people putting items in their own bags.
Towards the middle of my shopping experience, I noticed two cops with bulletproof vests eyeing me for a good 10 minutes. The cops had no basket, and were clearly not there to shop. I didn’t think anything of it, simply because I was engulfed in my coupons, and calculating how much I could carry back go the apartment by myself.
As I headed towards the yogurt aisle, this elderly gentleman (who worked at the grocery store) proceeded to talk to me in Spanish. Given that I was born and raised in Texas, and took 6 years of Espanol, I felt perfectly comfortable conducting small talk. It was a typical conversation. He asked if I was from El Salvador. And inquired about how I knew Spanish if I myself was Pakistani. Then he spoke at super lightening speed. At this point, I had no idea what he was talking about. I placed a few sentences together, and gathered that the two cops thought I was stealing.
It all made sense. The cops were following me around because they thought I was thief. This would be the first time that someone has followed me around in a store. A terrorist, sure. But a thief? NEVER. Not in a million years. So of course, this situation got under my skin.
What upset me more was what took place after.
I come home, a bit peeved at what just took place. I tell my husband the story, and the conversation goes as such:
Me: blah, blah, blah.
W: Were you using your backpack?
Me: Yes, I was.
W: Well, that’s how most people steal. They put stuff in their carts, and then steal the rest of their items using their backpack.
Me: In my head I’m thinking, if they were actually paying some attention, they would have noticed that I was counting coupons! I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s not how I would characterize a thief.
So my husband thought the cops were just doing their job. (I’ve noticed that he has a tendency to side with the cops over people’s criticisms of them, but that’s a different blog for another day.) I on the other hand, felt that there was a certain level of prejudice to the predicament. There was preconceived bias against me. There’s no denying the fact that in the decade of wearing my scarf, or even in the two years that I’ve lived in Maryland, has anyone followed me around in such a manner. Is it all because I might have looked Hispanic, and was therefore a target?
Maybe I was a bit taken a back simply because I assumed that, by not wearing a scarf, I’d “blend in”. Not that I necessarily wanted to “blend in”. I have a huge sense of pride in my identity as a Muslim. But nevertheless, I falsely assumed that I wouldn’t be bothered. Oh, what an erroneous assumption that was. And perhaps naïve too.
So this leads me to wonder if anyone has done a comparative analysis of the average treatment of hijabi and a nonhijabi in various situations. It might look something like this:
| Hijabi | Non-hijabi | |
| Airport | Despite not having sounded off an alarm, and not having anything show up on the scanners, still taken to the side and patted down head to toe. | ? |
| Club/Lounge | “Well that’s a bit weird seeing a Muslim here. But I see guy with a turban so maybe “these guys” just really like to dance.” | ? |
| Grocery Store | Nothing out of the ordinary. | Followed by cops. |
This of course, is a humorous version of what I had in mind but I think it has real potential.
Now I always knew that racism exists for all people. Not just Muslims. But to experience it in multiple contexts is unfortunate to say the least. My only desire is to be left alone, but given that this might not happen anytime soon, I will continue documenting my experience, with eyes wide open.
