Abstract Chatter

No Boys Allowed
October 14, 2009, 11:57 pm
Filed under: 1

Second grade. I had a crush on a Mexican kid with a chipped tooth. I guess we were all losing teeth back then. I wasn’t much about looks anyway. I would chase him around the playground. But he ran away. Far away. Sometimes it seemed like he’d disappear. Or maybe, it’s just my memory that fades.

Fifth grade. I tried having another crush. This time he was Asian. I think his name was Adrian. His best friend – Warren Lam. They were both in all the AP classes. Somehow it got around to his sister that I thought he was cute, and one day after school, she pointed me out to him. I imagine he was looking for a girlfriend and wanted to know who this “mysterious” chick was. The disgusted look on his face when he saw who it was—was priceless.

Sure I was a bit hefty at the time. But that look made me feel devastated. Never wanting such private information like that going out in public, I ran home crying. My first tears over a guy. Only to come home to my brother watching cartoons. I swayed back and forth in that rocking chair. My world had nearly ended. And I was only 11 years old.

High school. I think his name was Asif. I was shy back then. Around guys anyway. We spent about 2 years giving each other the eye. But nothing came of it. Ah—desi boys. Gotta love it. Then he began dating someone whom I can’t recall.

High school track: I started running. Somehow I needed to loose weight. Running 1 lap was hard. I pushed to get to the finish line. I prayed to God. I negotiated with God: “If you help me loose weight, I’ll start wearing a scarf.” Subhan’Allah. I bargained with God.

So I ran. And ran. Ate carrots, and ran some more. A Mexican guy on the sidelines called me a monkey as I attempted running my 12 minute mile. But soon enough, my mother’s friends started noticing. “How trim and nice she’s looking. What’s her secret”? Guys started noticing. Turnin’ heads.

So it seems that now the guys decide to start turning their heads. Too little too late. And thus, I began my almost life long grudge against men. I would roll my eyes, switch my hips and just walk by. Without even blinkin’ an eye.

How else could I have been a survivor?