Abstract Chatter

2015 resolution #1
January 3, 2015, 9:46 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

tv-screenMy resolution to go to the gym momentarily turns into a spiritual crisis.

I always seem to shed a tear or two at the gym. They have a few TVs that are constantly playing in the background. And there always seems to be some travesty. Some disaster. Some war. And I can’t turn it off. I have to stare ahead. No matter how hard I try, my eye will wonder back to the screen I was trying to avoid. Today on FOX, there was a child who had some debilitating disease. All I could tell was that he couldn’t walk. He needed to have a walker and wheelchair to get around. It was so upsetting to see this child being tested in ways that I as a 31 year old can’t even begin to imagine. I still can’t understand why. As basic as this thought is, It just doesn’t seem fair. Why him? He doesn’t deserve this as a child.

I guess after becoming a mother, i feel much more vulnerable. I can’t bare to see children in distressed or painful situations. It was so frustrating and unpleasant to watch. And to continue watching without being able to do anything about it. And it was then, in a matter of minutes that my faith was momentarily shaken.

I attend Jummah and feel all great inside. Ummah this, and ummah blah. We are one. Care for one another. Everything sounds perfect. And then I watch a five minute segment on TV. and everything seems out of place. The justice that I know and understand in this universe seems all out of whack. And all it took was five minutes. Ya Allah, please protect us. Have mercy on us. Forgive us.