Abstract Chatter

My Ramadan
May 24, 2018, 6:05 pm
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0cf22222-99ef-45b2-908c-17e4e34bafdeI love seeing mainstream coverage about the experiences of American Muslims and their relationship with Ramadan/fasting and all that comes along with this month. I guess by mainstream, I mostly mean Buzzfeed.

But one perspective that may be a bit more nuanced and delves into the distinct  generation of American-Muslims that I don’t often year about, is the experience of those who have transitioned from young adults to new parents. After worshiping a certain way for decades on end (as a non-parent), no one warns/informs you of the difficulties that come from understanding what this new type of worship looks like and how you have to transition your understanding of workshop now as person with a young child. Or as a single caretake. Whether it means being pregnant or nursing and thus unable to fast in the traditional sense, or whether it means that the late night prayer sessions in congregation with delicious chai afterward are no longer option because you have a toddler at home. Or whether it means you’re just. so. sleep deprived that a day’s fast is all you can bear.

Even though this was years ago, I so vividly remember sitting in the back of the car nursing while everyone was inside praying. And how I so badly wished I was 26 again. The 26 year old me could hop on over to a local mosque or campus (that allowed women) and just. pray. Pray without the distractions of a climbing two year old. Pray knowing that even though sleep is normally reducing during this month, there won’t be any interruptions such as a crying or sick baby. That worship was easy. It was familiar. It was comforting.

The beautiful silence that came from my previous spiritual journey is only available to me during a very narrow window, if I’m awake enough to take advantage of it. To connect with the Divine in moments of solitude. In Peace. But maybe this Ramadan, my goal will be to steal a few moments. Reset my intention. And Pray.

It probably took me a solid three years to understand that my worship will simply be different than was did pre-Edris. And that that’s ok. While it may not come with the “glamorous” accessories of wild mornings and sahoor at IHOP— it does come with the knowledge that I now have a bigger task ahead of me, one that requires my almost undivided attention, but one that I hope will bear fruit in years to come. His care and well-being I suppose is my new ibadha .

And maybe it’s all worth it when you hear Edris say, “I love You Allah!”